Fixing Your Child's Anxiety Isn’t Always the Answer

If you are a mom, you have witnessed your children getting hurt. Some of us have walked our children through significant physical pain or sickness, while others have only dealt with minor injuries. When pain happens, we want to alleviate discomfort. This desire moms have to stop our children from hurting is completely natural.

But when it comes to emotional distress and anxiety, trying to alleviate the pain right away is not always helpful. As well-meaning as our efforts are, this approach often tends to backfire. Let me explain why.

If we rush to quiet our children’s emotional distress or tell them they have no reason to feel anxious, we unintentionally deny them the opportunity to learn how to manage anxiety and fear. Learning how to experience and cope with distressing emotions is a key part of navigating anxiety in a healthy way.

It is also important to recognize that anxious thoughts are very difficult to control. Perhaps you have tried it yourself. Often, the more we try to push them away, the stronger they become. In psychology, this is known as the ironic process—when we tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel anxious, we end up thinking about it even more.

Instead of rushing to fix your child’s anxiety, try responding with curiosity and understanding. Curiosity helps children become more aware of their emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. This awareness is a good thing. It can lead them to be more reflective and less reactive toward anxious thoughts. Reflection allows children to better see their fears and, ultimately to bring those fears to God.

Offering understanding is also incredibly powerful. It communicates presence, something God offers us when we are in distress. Psalm 46:1 reminds us, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” When we show up with presence, we are modeling God’s care for our children in a very real way.

If these suggestions feel like they require a big mindset shift, I understand. Even though I help others practice these approaches, they are not always easy for me. I am a fixer by nature, and I feel distressed when my own children are anxious. But I want to encourage you to give these ideas a try. They may help foster resilience and a greater ability to trust God.